There’s something innately fucked up about the end of a relationship. Best example is in the phrase “winning the breakup”. Isn’t that a shitty game we play? We lie, sneer, and do terrible, degrading things to “win” the breakup. How do you win a breakup? Well Hollywood and its little television babies have created a how to guide in the form of everything they are comprised of. How many movies and tv shows have used this line, for a joke, or at times as the premise. If these examples are to be believed, the points are tallied as such:
1). The Rebound.
You win by throwing your integrity, and most often your true feelings down the toilet by moving on too quickly. Somehow, making an immature ass of yourself is a positive in the breakup game. For example, my ex girlfriend gave her ex a blow job two weeks after the breakup. I fell in love (many) months later, but have done nothing, so the points go to my ex girlfriend who admitted that she felt slutty and gross over what she did. She wins?
2). Saving Face.
How did you react to the break up? Some people just adapt to the end of a relationship well. They realize it was the right thing to happen, and they go on with their life. Others don’t adapt so well. This is where I come in. I didn’t adapt. If this were darwinism, I’d be extinct. My ex girlfriend moved on. This category seems positive, the opposite of the fucked up nature of the rebound. On the surface, it is. But under the surface, much like many people going through break ups, it’s fucking turmoil. Because this is about how you’re perceived, not about actually moving on. It’s about people thinking you’re better off than your ex. People can be fucking monsters. If they’re desperate enough to “win” the relationship, they’ll drag their ex’s name through the mud, shit and filth. This is when someone is sure that everyone including their ex can see how much happier they are. This is when secrets and weaknesses are shared with friends, and everyone laughs at the vulnerabilities that you thought you could trust someone with. This damages your sense of trust and makes everything in future relationships harder. This strategy in the breakup game can reduce someone to throwing childish insults about you to anyone who will listen. Because they’re so fucking desperate to appear above you.
Let’s see how my ex and I stack up here: I keep to myself, lost all confidence, was too hurt to care how I came off. My ex approaches my friend at a party to insult me. She tells him that she’s much happier now. That bitch knows how to hurt people.
I saw her parents today at work. That was weird. It isn’t easy to act professional with two people who believe you hurt their daughter. I did hurt their daughter. I’m not claiming to be innocent. But I truly believe that despite my own actions, this is on her. And look at how well it turned out for her. Fuck. I lost everything. All I have now is love for my best friend who has no similar feelings, and a boyfriend. Oh, and let’s not forget my crippled social life. Anyway, seeing them suddenly made me think about what they might say to her, if they say anything. Will they think she cares and say I look like I’m doing fine? That would be a stretch. My hair is too long, I haven’t shaved in months, I’ve got bags under my eyes from the insomnia I’ve had for weeks, the list goes on.
There’s no doubt about it, she won the shit out of that breakup. It was like the Globetrotters. At first it was anyone’s game, but in the second half they threw 60 three pointers.
I don’t care about “winning” the breakup, not really anyway. I mean how do you “win” a breakup really? It’s more like I’m realizing how well she’s doing, which is great, but it’s a reminder of how much worse I’m doing. I’ll never be with the girl I love, there’s nothing meaningful about university to me, there’s no possible career I could live with, and I have two friends that don’t ignore me. I have no reason to live, and one day my resolve to live is going to dry up. That’s a scary fucking thought.